Love Hate Read online


Love Hate

  By

  Monica K.K. Lee

  Copyright © 2014 Monica K.K. Lee

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.

  Makaliʻi Productions

  2524 Waiomao Road

  Honolulu, HI 96816

  First Edition

  For Shane

  CONTENTS:

  Hate

  Let’s Fight

  Run

  Forget

  Listen

  Don’t love me

  Perfect space

  Permission

  HUMAN

  Black and blue

  I am not perfect

  Since you left

  I won’t be me

  Ex-Mr.&Mrs.

  My love

  Fate

  Truly

  Beholder

  Beauty

  Together

  Everything

  Kiss me

  My addiction

  Art

  Without you

  My guy

  About the author

  Hate

  When hate spills

  from your lips

  I want to grab a funnel

  and pour it back in

  so you can taste it

  drink it up

  and see what you are made of contents

  Let’s fight

  You want to fight?

  Let’s fight

  take it outside

  shout into the night

  ball up our fists

  strap on our gloves

  i’m willing to take your spit in my face

  and deliver mine into yours

  i’m ready if you are

  because

  texting me in

  CAPS LOCK

  ain’t going to cut it

  Run

  Forget

  Forget the romance poems

  my mind invented for you

  forget the long talks

  that led us to bed

  forget melting times

  when I held you like a puddle

  and times

  we laughed

  with silliness in our heads

  forget those promises

  whispered on sweet lips

  forget everything

  just forget

  Listen

  Listen to me

  stop talking

  your lips are filled with confrontation

  and its rude to talk

  with your mouth full

  and tell your eyes

  the ones I like

  most the time

  to quit throwing darts

  at me

  you want to win an argument

  you win

  you proved your point

  you were right on the money with that one

  okay its done now

  let’s get over it

  move on

  because truthfully

  all i wanted to say

  all i was trying to do

  was tell you how i was feeling

  tell you my point of view

  but you can’t hear my voice

  and i can’t even listen to my own thoughts

  because

  you just keep talking

  Don’t Love Me

  How dare you love me

  when I don’t feel the same

  how can you spend

  your time

  writing line

  after string

  of words

  meant to breathe

  aroma into the pages

  that are as empty

  as my love for you

  how am I supposed to react

  to your subtle gestures

  pulling out my chair

  and calling me

  just to make sure

  I am still inhaling air

  I can’t stand the way this is

  just go away

  how dare you love me

  Perfect S p a c e

  Thereʻs a hole right here

  where you slashed me with

  “I-wish-you-were-never-mine”

  a gash, just there

  when you said you never knew me

  and scars when you said you did

  only I was somebody else with intentions not good

  not the me I know who only meant the best

  there are patches

  over the parts where you were forgiven

  for brandishing my name

  in conversations where I was

  the villain in some cruel imaginary world

  you had created

  to make a fool out of me

  and stitches in places where you lied--

  marks where you tossed me away

  and still,

  still my heart thumps

  it beats

  it holds a perfect space

  right there in the center

  it goes on loving you

  yes it does

  but please forgive

  please pardon please understand

  that I won’t allow you

  to trash it again

  Permission

  You don’t get to brag

  attach titles to my name

  as if you were there

  when I needed you to be

  you can’t give me labels

  when you couldn’t give me strength

  criticism

  when I do something you don’t like

  praise

  when I amaze you

  go

  hang your words

  in that empty window

  replace the transparency

  that was never there

  HUMAN

  Go on

  take me down a few notches

  with that bite

  that bite of death

  tell me I don’t understand

  what it takes

  what you feel

  but I do

  I do

  I am human

  Black and Blue

  Black and blue

  is the color of our love

  bruises

  bruises on my heart

  I keep them covered

  with makeup

  so that no one

  not even you

  can see them

  I feign strength

  superpowers even

  and smile

  smile from my face

  even when I know our love

  is cradled in

  black and blue

  I am not perfect

  I am not perfect

  nor would I ever try to be

  you see

  mistakes are lovely

  notches on the belt

  disagreements the blemishes

  on your twice beautiful face

  apologies the frosting

  in ones shining eye

  I assure you I understand

  dear

  I am not perfect

  but neither are you

  Since you left

  Hell must miss you

  since you left

  its flames probably

  leap a lot less

  its stench is likely

  quelled with your disappearance

  its devils

  more tame and k
ind

  so I have an idea

  hey I say

  I have an idea

  quit searing my ass

  and go back

  to whence you came

  I won’t be me

  I never do anything right anymore

  everything between us is an all

  consuming war-- even without

  the words and the drama I can

  read what is on your mind we’ve

  been together long enough for

  me to know

  the sighs you heave are not out

  of pleasure no more; the way you

  say I don’t try when I’m trying

  makes me feel like I’m not good

  enough for you-- why not find

  a better mate if I’m so bad

  If I’m not great

  I wear myself thin just trying to

  please you-- maybe I’m not trying

  hard enough maybe I don’t compare

  to someone else you knew but it’s the

  best I can do I can dress up and act

  the way you want but I won’t be me

  I won’t be me

  Ex-Mr. and Mrs.

  BLAH-BLAH-BLAH

  whatever you have to say to me

  just put it in writing

  throw it in the mail

  have them ship it out

  return receipt if you please

  I will sign it for you

  release the beast

  and just

  so that you know all

  your time was worth it

  I will do you the honor and read

  BLAH-BLAH-BLAH

  before I

  throw

  it

  out

  My Love

  Oh my love

  My heart

  my greatest joy

  let me surround you

  with a wreath of warmth

  brighten your soul

  with promises true

  lay lips across

  your precious face

  generous

  is my desire for you

  Fate

  from the moment I laid eyes on you

  I’ve felt you were mine

  (but not in that creepy stalkerish way)

  when I first heard you speak

  I hoped you’d say my name forever

  (not doctor-lecter-like but sweet; pure)

  when you called me for a date

  I wanted to create a feast

  (not boiled bunny but genuine cuisine)

  and when our lips touched

  I knew our fates were sealed

  (not tight like a coffin but pressed nice; good)

  together

  I knew

  we were meant to be

  Truly

  I will leave delicate lips atop your face

  adorn you with the length of my arms

  warm you with twinkling bliss

  lift you to the moon with laughter

  hold you as long as you’ll hope

  so truly do I love you

  Beholder

  He was handsome

  not just on the outside but in the way he made her laugh

  mouth wide open

  hard and loud

  and from her chest

  handsome

  in how he looked at her

  when she talked of good

  and evil

  for no reason at all

  handsome in how

  he remembered

  what she told him and believed in her

  when she said she would do it

  She was gorgeous

  not just on the outside but in the way she was there

  when he needed her

  held him up

  and pushed him forward

  saw him through

  gorgeous

  in how she talked to him

  in tones so happy

  like she was singing a song

  gorgeous in how

  she remembered

  what he told her and believed

  that he would do what he said he would do

  Beauty

  Delicious

  Beauty

  is

  knowing

  you

  are

  free

  yet

  never

  wanting

  or

  needing

  to

  stray

  Together

  There is no chain shackling me to you

  no ball to break

  no ties that bind

  just the knowing

  that love exists

  and trust

  that we will shape

  visions from dust

  and songs from word

  together

  Everything

  Everything about you

  everything—

  the moonlight in your eyes

  the stars from your lips

  fresh earth beneath your feet

  mind filled with silver tapestry

  palms laden with secrets

  that beacon in your heart

  draw me in

  like a spell

  bind me to you

  and I will be yours

  for a lifetime

  and more

  Kiss me

  I wanted you to kiss me

  but did not expect

  the ground to spin

  above my head

  my skin to tickle

  from within

  as if my soul was

  doing flips

  I didn’t think

  the sun would spill

  out through your lips

  and yet it did

  you changed the world

  it’s so vivid

  all because

  you kissed me

  My Addiction

  I am addicted

  to his giddy

  laughter

  the chimes which ring

  from his beautiful mouth

  with so much light

  so much importance

  so much sincerity

  so I,

  I who is so in love

  with his jolly

  honesty

  I, who seeks

  the pleasures of this

  music he composes

  carves

  out of joy

  frequent his side.

  We sit, he and me,

  and make

  bells ring

  together

  Art

  I won’t paint you

  although I want to

  for I fear

  my hands won’t be honest

  my fingers will not guide me right

  my colors will not grasp

  the elegance and grandeur

  of your loving design

  Instead know

  that you are admired

  in a way I have never been

  I am made honest

  with just the vision of you

  Without You

  What would I do without you?

  I don’t ever want to know

  you are the peaks to my mountain

  the roots in my garden

  the spray in my seas

  the song in my heart

  without you there would be no sunlight

  in the sky above

  the nights would be vast

  and empty

  no shadow

  would sway against my side

  no breath

  would remain in my body

  the days would be frosty cold

  please don’t ever leave me empty

  I don’t ever want to know

  what I would do without you

  I don’t ever want to know

  My Guy

  You could say

&nbs
p; the big grey cloud

  that seemed willing to empty its contents over his head

  or the man

  holding the pin a little to close to his bubble

  might have ruined his day

  but not my guy

  my guy is too cool to worry about that junk

  my guyʻs always got something good going on

  in his noggin

  my guy is a level headed

  open-minded

  good going soul

  he looks at things different

  my guy he does

  when most people see

  a storm unmasking

  he sees a reason to prepare

  a reason to celebrate

  because when rain comes it means

  the drought is over

  where most people would shrink

  at the thought of another person

  trying to burst their anything

  he sees an opportunity

  to get to know someone

  to make peace

  to understand

  my guy even helps me to find goodness inside myself

  and while Iʻm not great

  he inspires me to be

  as great

  as him

  Author Bio:

  Monica K.K. Lee loves love but is about as romantic as a sea cucumber during mating season. Her short stories and poetry have been published in several literary journals and she is currently editing her second novel—its name remains a secret. She does very unromantic yet surprising things on the daily with her lovey-dovey fam-bam in Hawaii.

  More from the author:

  (From back of book) Welcome to paradise where kids go hungry, single moms get taken advantage of, poverty runs rampant, and deadbeat dads plot deaths to avoid paying child support.

  It’s not the gorgeous, scenic, tourist-laden Hawaii that most people dream about, but for three young sisters: Wendy (12-years-old), Amanda (9-years-old), and Stephanie (5-years-old), it’s life.

  Fricken Kids chronicles the year the three girls were neglected and forced to survive on their own for three weeks. It is set in 1985 and 1986, and narrated by nine-year-old Amanda, a Hawaiian, Asian, Haole, Apache mixed girl who is struggling to find her identity in a world that is constantly falling apart around her. Their Mother, a full-time-student is too busy trying to find a new man, job, and lifestyle to guide them, their father, a full-time-coward is too busy not wanting anything to do with them to have anything to do with them, and everyone else is too concerned with fitting into the material culture to care about the ancient one. And the girls—are as colorful and hypnotic as their island home is.

  Book available as print or e-book at your favorite online bookseller.

  Connect with Monica K.K. Lee

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